Redwood Center for Children and Families March 2024 Newsletter: Thoughts on Unconditional Positive Regard, local resources, book recommendation and more!

The importance of unconditional positive regard for yourself and others

by Jen Sims, LPCC

clinical director

One of the core tenets of any relational therapy is unconditional positive regard.  What this means to me as a therapist is that no matter what my clients talk about, no matter what their beliefs and values are, no matter what they have done in life that has made them feel proud or ashamed – none of that makes a difference in their essential value as a human who is worthy of dignity and respect.  

When it comes to Child Centered Play Therapy specifically, this means accepting a child exactly as they are, not working to change or fix them, and remaining neutral about their choices.  This might sound strange because children and adults alike usually hope that something is going to change as a result of therapy.  However, any change that occurs inside someone is not going to be because I, a therapist, said it needed to happen.  True, lasting and intrinsic change most always comes from within.

Unconditional Positive Regard during therapy simply sets the stage for someone to freely and safely come to their own conclusion about what they want in life.  It provides clients the opportunity and safety to take risks, try new skills or behaviors, and truly acknowledge needs and desires.  People can't really change under the threat of judgement because that is when they feel afraid.  No one can do their best anything in a fearful state.  

Unconditional Positive Regard requires empathy and cultural humility.  It means accepting a PERSON.  Someone who is capable of good, bad and everything in between; understanding that they may have a different way of viewing the world, different ideas about how to put something together,  how to change, and on and on and on and on.  I think this can apply to race, religion, socioeconomic status, gender and age.  Because I spend so much time with children and teenagers, I am constantly working on empathy for their experiences in the current world, so vastly different from mine.  I am trying to respect that how they want to be in the world is different from how I was, and even what I dreamed, and that's okay.  The world is theirs to reimagine.  I believe that providing unconditional positive regard will help them make the most grounded and secure decisions.

Unconditional positive regard does not mean acceptance of all of someone's behaviors with no boundaries whatsoever.  If anything, there are more boundaries because everyone gets to talk about what makes them worried and what they need to feel safe.  You've got to be genuine and true to yourself in order to provide the same to others, and applying the principles of unconditional positive regard can be the first step toward achieving that.  When you have respect for yourself as a person throughout the ups and downs of existence, accepting yourself through mistakes and victories, the world isn't black and white anymore.  The internal voice becomes clear and important.

In my work, unconditional positive regard is the first tool in the toolbox before any other tool can be applied, and usually it's enough that a person can go on to figure out  what tools work for them.  If you're looking for real life inspiration for unconditional positive regard, I encourage you to hang out with a dog, cat, and definitely, definitely,  a child.  

Child Centered Play Therapy Intensive a success!

Jeannette Hauron, LMFT, RPT-S from Growth Through Play Therapy in Oakland came to the Redwood Center on March 29th & 30th to provide a Child Centered Play Therapy Intensive to EIGHT local therapists who wanted to work on their play therapy skills.  We had a great time learning together for two days.  Thank you to Andrea Wright, AMFT for help - working together made this possible!  We hope to have more trainings in the future.

Haven Play Lounge to open in Scotts Valley May 25th, 2024!

How fun - an indoor playground is opening in Scotts Valley on May 25, 2024!  This is a great opportunity to play in a really cool environment, try new things, play as a family, have parties and more!  Click the picture for more information.

As professional players, we fully endorse this concept!

Triple P parenting class offerings for Spring

Level up your parenting with a Triple P parenting class.  With offerings both on zoom and in-person, it's possible to find something that works for you,  Click the link above for upcoming classes.

New!!!  March book recommendation

Check out Robyn Gobbel's new book "Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors" for parenting strategies.  "Robyn decodes the latest brain science into easy to understand principles and metaphors to help you become an expert in your child's behavior." - from the amazon write up.

Have an amazing spring!!